I was being interviewed on a podcast recently when the host said, “I hear it all the time from GenX women—they hate people. So if they hate people, why would they want to talk to you about building a support system?”
It was a great question. And it points directly to why so many GenX women struggle to build and maintain strong, lasting friendships—the kind that actually fit who we are now, not who we were decades ago.
It’s a classic case of GenX grit getting in our own way.
I get asked a lot about GenX and our wide streak of independence. If we’re so good at going it alone, do we really need a circle of friends?
We were raised to be resourceful. Latchkey kids with house keys strung around our necks. We handled things because no one else was going to do it for us. That made us scrappy and adaptable—and proud of it. We earned our independence the hard way, and it’s part of our DNA.
The flip side of all that GenX grit and decades of handling life solo has left many of us with tiny circles of friends, or sometimes none at all. Not because we don’t value connection, but because “do it yourself” became our default mode.
The Cost of Always Going It Alone
Independence has carried us far—through careers, raising families, caring for parents, and running our lives with grit. But that constant self-reliance has side effects. Many GenX women have spent years carrying the weight alone, rarely asking for support, and letting friendships fall to the bottom of the list.
This is where the loneliness epidemic comes in. Studies show loneliness is on the rise, and women in midlife are not immune. When you’ve spent decades building competence and independence, it’s easy to look up and realize your social circle has shrunk.
Independence as a Filter, Not a Wall
Here’s the shift: independence doesn’t mean isolation. What it gives us now is clarity. We’ve lived enough life to know who belongs in our world and who doesn’t. Independence becomes a filter.
That filter is powerful. It keeps out the noise, the draining relationships, and the acquaintances who don’t add value. And it makes room for the people who matter—the ones who bring depth, laughter, and perspective.
Why Friendships Are Fuel, Not Optional
When the right people make it past that filter, life expands. Friendships aren’t about filling a void; they’re about adding richness to what we’re already living on our own terms.
Research backs this up. The Harvard Study of Adult Development—one of the longest-running studies in history—found that quality relationships are the strongest predictor of long-term happiness and health. Blue Zones research echoes this: communities with long lifespans are built around strong social ties. In other words, friendship and longevity are linked.
We will not be giving up our independent streak any time soon. We will learn to use it wisely—to choose connection that strengthens us.
Building the Right Circle in Midlife
Here’s the opportunity. Midlife isn’t a dead end for friendships. It’s a reset point. We don’t need large groups or endless obligations.
We need intentional circles. People who understand our lives, our pressures, and the mix of independence and connection that defines our generation.
This is why creating space for friendships matters. Not the casual, surface-level interactions, but the ones that stick. The ones that make the next decade of life not just productive, but meaningful.
The Soul Sanctuary: A Step Toward Connection
That’s why I’ve built spaces like the Soul Sanctuary Retreat. It’s a space designed to give women the chance to reconnect with themselves and with others in a way that feels real.
Because in the middle of the loneliness epidemic, we don’t need more acquaintances. We need friendships that last. And we deserve to create them.
Grit is Good
Independence made us who we are. But friendships will shape who we become in the decades ahead. If you’ve been carrying everything on your own, this is the moment to widen your circle—with people who matter.
You don’t have to choose between success and well-being. Step away from the chaos, reset your mind and body, and realign with what truly matters. Our wellness retreats, online courses, free resources give you the space to breathe, reflect, and design a life that feels fulfilling—without guilt, without compromise.
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